You Are a Girl

Dear Lilia,

You are a girl.

I state that simply because of what happened this morning.

There are fundamental differences between boys and girls. One of those is that boys tend to wet on other people often because of the way their plumbing works. Girls don't have that kind of plumbing, so therefore they don't really have a chance to wet on other people.

You proved me wrong on that today.

I didn't realize you could create a nice fountain that landed perfectly on my chest. That prompted a cry of "Help!" to your mommy. Needless to say, she thought it was kind of funny. Personally, I think you did it to me in retaliation for changing your diaper right after you woke up this morning. Whatever the reasoning was, please remember the first statement in this letter.

Love,
Daddy

Better out than in

Dear Lilia,

Can you tell me the secret to how you eat so much and not look like you've eaten at all? Do you just have an amazing metabolism? Could you pass that to me somehow? I don't know how you possibly stick all that liquid you drink in your small little body. My parents told me I had a hollow leg when I was a teenager, but you must have a hollow body.

Another theory is that it just fills up your whole intestinal tract at once, because you always seem to need a diaper change not too long after you eat. Whatever the case may be, just know that I will always envy your digestive system.

Love,
Daddy

Our Angel

Dear Lilia,

How can someone fail to believe in God after spending five minutes with you? You were the answer to many prayers. It's not possible to see your perfect hands and fingers, and your cute little toes without knowing that a loving Father sent you here to bless the lives of two of His children.

Love,
Daddy

Target Practice

Dear Lilia,

I know that you're only 4 days old, but Daddy would like you to know that diaper changes are a really bad time to decide to go more.

Love,
Daddy